Savor the Sacred Gathering

 

Don’t let the good stuff go unsaid.

Here’s why: Next year, your Thanksgiving may look completely different and there might not be as many chairs.

Loved ones get sick.

Loved ones get old.

Loved ones move away.

So, this year savor the sacred gathering. Share. Forgive, Remember. Beacause you can’t see the changes and surprises ahead.

But you have this time.

But you have these people.

But you have this day.

Say the thing your heart feels.

Say the things their heart needs.

Say the thing their heart needs.

Because Thanksgiving is here. And we’ll never have another one like it ..

Again.

@LaurenForenberry

That is a beautiful statement of what should be. It was for me. There is satisfaction in the husband, children, and home. I was able to be blessed with all three. This is my world and I am proud that I am a part of it. Yes, the neighbor across the way received Thanksgiving supper and leftovers to keep her for the week. A loved one that could not be at our table but loved nevertheless. This year, I have learned that family is not blood but those who love to be with you.

This year, I have learned gratitude. For my fortitude. For my perseverance. For my care. For truth revealed. For courage exposed. For strength displayed.

Copyright © 2022 By CandaLee Parker 

IRideTheDarkHorse.com

candalee@candalee.com 

All rights reserved. This blog or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review or similar cited with author's name and copyright and only with written permission of the author.

Een the Good, the Bad, and the Annoying!

 

Difficult people are everywhere, like it or not. It’s pretty certain that at some point in your life, you’ll come across a challenging person and will have to find a way to deal with them. It would be easy to think, “Why bother?” if being around them causes you hurt and grief. But it’s not as easy as that. Sometimes we’re just forced into situations we have little control over.

Being related is one such circumstance. In fact, family members are often the hardest to deal with, because they’re connected to us in a more complicated, intimate way. With difficult acquaintances like friends, colleagues, lovers, or neighbors, you may have to deal with them for a time, either until a conflict between you is resolved, or you are able to remove yourself from the situation. With family, we are almost obligated to go the extra mile for the sake of the integrity of the family group. In other words, personal relationships may affect the family as a whole. If you don’t get along with a family member, it may very well put stress and strain on other familial relationships as well.

It has been a difficult six years for me. My husband has "escaped" death four times and there are days when it seems as if he is declining. I have felt alone, discouraged, frustrated, and wished that a family member would walk up on my porch and say, "hey, let me carry some of this load with you". Unfortunately, it has felt like we have been cursed with a plague because even my brothers who should be my spiritual leaders have been non-existent with exception of attending the wonderful birthday parties I would host. I have learned to admit that until they experience what I have with my husband, it is a mute point to understanding their reasoning and absence.

So what do you do with those people you may not like very much and may not choose to have in your life, but are forced to deal with because they’re family?

Please don't try and fix a difficult person! Accept them exactly as they are. (This applies to all difficult people, not just family.) It’s tempting to try to help someone you want to care about; you probably will make some efforts to help them. Sometimes it works, but often your efforts will not be rewarded. In fact, trying to fix someone or make their life better may become a huge headache, since the more you do for them, the more they want from you. Accept that they are unable to change, at least at this point in time. Unless you see real change and proof that this person is making an effort to listen and meet you halfway; you can assume that their behavior is what it has always been. It’s important to temper your expectations about what others can and want to do. I have wanted to declare their shortcomings and mistakes to the world but I have resolved that silence is my past revenge and continue to love them and pray for their best from a distance.

It is important to be present and direct. Know that a person who is trying to stir up conflict can easily set you off emotionally, and even physically, possibly raising your heart rate and blood pressure. Try to avoid getting into a fight-or-flight response, which inevitably leads to becoming defensive. You do not want an argument or heated discussion. Stay true to yourself, grounded in your own integrity. Be direct and assertive when you express yourself. Stay focused on how you respond. Know when the discussion or argument has accelerated to the point of no return; meaning it’s no longer about conflict resolution, but just about winning. If it gets to this point, stop the interaction, and leave the conversation.

It is important to encourage difficult people to express themselves. Let them fully state their point of view about the issue/conflict/problem without interruption. Why do they feel judged or criticized by others? What do they feel people misunderstand about them? What do they want or expect from others? The idea is to remain as neutral as possible. Just listening, rather than trying to engage, may be enough to allow someone to feel like they have the opportunity to say what’s on their mind. Showing respect for another’s differences may go a very long way. I love to send cards and other loving momentos to let them know that they are loved, appreciated, and thought of. It makes me feel good also!

Copyright © 2022 By CandaLee Parker 

IRideTheDarkHorse.com

candalee@candalee.com 

All rights reserved. This blog or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review or similar cited with author's name and copyright and only with written permission of the author.

The Way You Act ...

 People say things and make promises they have no intention of keeping on a daily basis. You can tell someone you love him or her as many times as you want, but until your behavior coincides with that, the other person will probably not believe you. Some feelings cannot be expressed in mere words; they require actions to speak for them. Words are cheap, anyone can tell someone they love them, but they will not feel the immensity of these emotions until they are acted upon.

I have learned this with family. LOVE is a flippant word; to be stated when one has no intention of following through. The way people conduct themselves in different situations is a greater determinant of behavior and character than the words through which they choose to express themselves. What you do holds much more significance than what you say. Know your values.When you’re not clear what your values are, you’re at risk of becoming a helpless passenger rather than a confident driver of own life. You’ll be at risk of jumping on board with other people’s ideas and may be easily led astray. Take back your power by acknowledging your values and living true to what’s important to you. Don’t say what you don’t mean. I have spent years trying to make other people feel good that I wasn’t making me feel good. For years and years and years, just to find LOVE and validation from others; that I belonged in their circle. I did not and I will never fit. I am okay with that! It is unfortunate that we have to be uncomfortable trying to make others comfortable.

Once I had a woman in my life that I loved more than life. She is beautiful, talented, seemingly “perfect” person. She appears to have many friends. She is socially accepted. She seemed to be everything that I wasn’t. I learned that she wasn’t. She shared things behind my back that were not true and they were hurtful. She lied about wanting the best for my life. Of course, I was in denial that she was even doing it and then one day, truth revealed itself. Actions revealed themselves. I learned the hard way about human nature; about what family truly isn’t. I learned what LOVE is really not. Don’t read into this because I still love her with all my heart, I have forgiven her, but I haven’t forgotten how she made me feel. Less than, not capable of being, not enough! And I am okay with that!

Today, my life is filled with my own family; college, art, writing, and music. It is all that I need and it is becoming my super-power. I have risen from the ashes from which others fueled the fire and watched me burn, seeds and all. And I am okay with that!

The Dawning of a New Day

 I find it interesting how truth makes its way to to the surface in one way or another.  Today, I received that unexpected message and it will be interesting to see how the future unfolds.

Copyright © 2022 By CandaLee Parker 

IRideTheDarkHorse.com

candalee@candalee.com 

All rights reserved. This blog or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review or similar cited with author's name and copyright and only with written permission of the author.

Feeling Good Today

I have found that I don't need to look like a professional athlete, but my appearance does matter to me.  I am finding that working to be fit, strong, and healthy gives me greater confidence and this, in turn, allows me to stand up for myself.  My goal; to have all of my weight lost before the next wedding anniversary and I have a great start!  I love the compliments I am receiving about my weight loss!

I began my program some months ago with https://plexusworldwide.com/candalee/home.  I have had great success.  I walk, ride my horses, and exercise to my beach body videos.  I combine yoga, cardio, and weights.  I use intermittent fasting techniques. It took awhile to get used to the routine and for many days, I did not want to do it.  I started with 15 minutes a day and now I am at 45 minutes.  I watch my caloric intake, low carbs, and haven't been on soda for three years.  I have noticed an expansion in memory processes, stamina, and positive energy!  I wake refreshed even though I may spend hours studying or being outside doing chores.

I started an archery class.  The inner discipline has improved my confidence and in learning techniques, I am learning patience with myself.  What can be better than this!  The petty things that used to upset me no longer do and I fill my time with activities that serve purpose and maturity.

As my confidence level is rising, so is the ability to stand up for myself and others.  In today's somewhat hostile environment, this has become a necessary tool to success.

Copyright@2020 

www.CandidCandaSpeaksOut.com

All rights reserved. This blog or any portion thereof may not be printed, copied, reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review or similar cited with author's name and copyright.

Self-worth is how you value yourself. It’s not based on what others think of you or the things you have (or haven’t) accomplished; it comes from within. But it’s easy to forget that our worth isn’t determined by outside forces.

How we measure our worth affects the kind of life we live.  This has become profound in the events of my life over the past three months.  I would have never thought to be where I am now if I hadn't decided to reinvent how I feel about myself.  I had allowed others to demean and make me feel less than worthy because of mistakes and how they perceived my life should be.  Numbers no longer determine my value.  Places no longer determine my value.  Religion no longer determines my value.

It is important to manifest in my own lane.  It is important to begin to care for yourself first and then extend as much as you can but not too much!  I have a to-do list which captures priority and I can cross off what is less important and perhaps not crucial to my well-being.  My God, my husband, my children, my home, my education, and my employment are exactly prioritized in that order.  I am learning that grades are not as important as dedication and integrity.

Do not allow others to berate you for past mistakes.  The mistakes were made, amends were made, and don't look back.  I have allowed this behavior against me for far too long and I have others who insist on still stalking and gossiping.  Allow them.  They are only showing that they are insecure in their own worth.

In the last month, I have shed more weight, no more stress headaches, I have closed the circle of close friends, and I am enjoying my hobbies.  I no longer have to work two employments after being chosen to work for an incredible company with an amazing salary!  I learned that when I pulled in, increasing exercise, eating healthy, sleeping more hours, and put beautiful changes into our home and properties, my days began to change.  

Become selfish!  Find your own self worth!  It is the time ...  Love becoming what you want to be ...

Copyright@2020 

www.CandidCandaSpeaksOut.com

All rights reserved. This blog or any portion thereof may not be printed, copied, reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review or similar cited with author's name and copyright.

Why A Stalker

Being stalked can be paralyzingly frightening. Victims aren’t traumatized just once; they’re perpetually unsettled by attempts at contact and often begin to feel like there’s no safe place to go. 

The Bureau of Justice Statistics reports that about three million people are stalked every year, most by people they know and often a former intimate partner. As many as 10% of stalking victims fear for their lives, and all victims face massive disruptions to their routines. While stalking, like domestic violence, has been around for generations, it has been only in recent years that the issue has been taken seriously, and many victims may be hesitant to seek help. I have learned that misery loves company and abusers are attracted to other abusers.  In this, I take peace.  It is not my issues but theirs.

At its core, stalking consists of repeated attempts to gain control over or terrorize someone. Stalking exists on a continuum. On the lower end, it might involve repeated phone calls, letters, or email contacts. In its more extreme manifestations, however, stalking might involve repeatedly going to a person’s house, making threats against a person, harming pets, stealing possessions, or interfering with a person’s relationships with friends, family, or coworkers. Stalkers may alternate between patterns of domestic violence and stalking.  My stalker made the internet her army.  She defies authority and hides behind a new name.  This is the coward trait of a stalker.

Each state establishes its own legal criteria for stalking. Laws generally require multiple unwanted contacts and mandate that a victim fear for his or her safety. A coworker who comes back to see a person at his or her office daily, for example, would not be stalking, and a secret admirer who sends flowers once per week is not necessarily a stalker. Repeated contacts rise to the level of stalking when they’re designed to gain power over a person and cause emotional terror.  What about a person who continually contacts a person's employment in order to harassment and cause possible judgment and severance.  In my case, my husband and I have contacted a employment attorney and with his assistance, I will present those to the public that have done such and ask for relief from the courts. 

Stalkers often emphasize that they “love” their victims and occasionally say they stalk to keep others safe. Even family members can profess love and yet stalk and maim from the background.  For example, an abusive ex-husband might say he stalks his ex-wife to ensure she’s properly caring for their children. Psychologically, however, stalking is a crime of control. Stalkers see their victims as possessions who are rightfully theirs, and stalking behavior is frequently activated by a breakup or an ex-partner’s new relationship.

Some mental health issues can lead to stalking. People with personality issues such as a borderline personality diagnosis may have trouble letting go of relationships and sometimes use manipulative tactics to control people. Erotomania is a delusion in which a person believes that another person—often a celebrity is in love with him or her, and this can lead to stalking. However, not all stalkers have mental health conditions, and the overwhelming majority are men. Cultural and gender norms may contribute to stalking behavior. It can even be a family member.

If you’re being stalked, don’t make excuses for the stalker or tell yourself you are overreacting. Tell a friend or family member what’s happening so you have a support person and a witness. If you are in immediate danger or are being followed, dial 911. There’s no price for overreacting, but underreacting to stalking can, in extreme cases, be fatal. Other things you can do to remain safe:

• Change your routine frequently so that it is more difficult for your stalker to find you. 
• Instruct friends, family, and employers not to give out information about you without your express permission.
• Keep a log of every incident so you have evidence if you need to press charges.
• Seek a restraining order against the stalker, and call the police immediately if he or she violates the order. I was granted a permanent injunction against my stalker but it hasn't stopped her so more criminal action is being sought.

References:

Help for victims. (n.d.). Stalking Resource Center. Retrieved from http://www.victimsofcrime.org/our-programs/stalking-resource-center/help-for-victims

1. King, M. W., & Sivak, A. (n.d.). Stalking: New studies shed light on a crime that terrorizes its victims. National Crime Prevention Council. Retrieved from http://www.ncpc.org/programs/catalyst-newsletter/catalyst-newsletter-2009/volume-30-number-11/stalking-a-new-study-sheds-light-on-a-crime-that-repeatedly-terrorizes-its-victims
2. Stalking. (n.d.). National Institute of Justice. Retrieved from http://www.nij.gov/topics/crime/stalking/
3. Stalking. (n.d.). USDOJ: Office on Violence Against Women: Crimes of Focus: Stalking. Retrieved from http://www.ovw.usdoj.gov/aboutstalking.htm

Copyright@2020 

www.CandidCandaSpeaksOut.com

All rights reserved. This blog or any portion thereof may not be printed, copied, reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review or similar cited with author's name and copyright.