The Woman Bully

It is going to be a beautiful morning.  It was a great day yesterday.  I had received an email from a person that I thought I would never hear from again.  His anguish was detailed and confusing.  How grateful I am to have this email as validation of truth.  He is also bullied by the same woman who attempts to harass our family and I.  How he wants me to be an ally after the way I have been treated was a surprise and I need to put my best foot forward in handling this situation.

 

There is an article by Dr. Cheryl Dellasega that explains how female children who bully often grow into adult woman who bully.  We understand this all too well as her aggressive behavior can frighten and intimidate.  She elevates her own feelings of inadequacy by diminishing those of others because she gossips, demeans, and sabotages any opportunity to have a relationship that allows meaning and honesty.  This was made clear in the email that we received.

 

As adults, we have full control over how we live our lives.  I do not know about you, but mine is full.  Today, we will travel to another town to deliver a beautiful colt to a family waiting to receive him.  We will then head to another town to pick up another little beauty, an American Shetland foal.  My flowers are planted, half of my garden is planted, the water is in the canal, and the fields are green.  Today, we had lunch with friends while watching the Kentucky Derby and tomorrow is a BBQ in our backyard with family.  My husband is having his good days and we take advantage of the sunshine and water on the lake.  His boat gives us pleasure as well as the motorhome who takes us on long journeys and adventures with family.  Our animals bring us joy along the way and it is amazing when I receive the telephone calls and the emails from those who have or receiving the same kind of treatment that we have for so long.  Maybe this is why she cannot be married or stay long in a relationship or marriage.  We pray for her and her family every day.  We understand the hardships and the mental issues that she deals with.  We have another family member that deals with the same and some days are good and some days not so good.

 

If you discover that a bully is projecting her insecurities on you, respond with kindness.  She is no longer a threat to us but comical in nature.  We follow up in documentation and keep a log of her bad behavior as we are working on a court case.  Life is too short to spend with people who treat you unjustly.  As an adult, it is our responsibility for the energy that we bring into our lives.  Sometimes that means removing the source whether by legal action or shunning in order to move forward.  How grateful I am for the gentleman who emailed my husband and I as he is concerned.  I had to bite my lip in order not to demean this person as he hurt me at one time in his relationship with this particular woman bully.

His family is shunning him due to his inappropriate attitude and decisions.  I told him that we will friend from a distance but at this point in our lives, we want nothing to do with his lies.  He, too, sought out and received the truth in regards to the theft by the woman bully.  It is something he will have to live with for the rest of his life.  Loving from a distance keeps the negative energy from seeping back into a life that is incredible and fulfilled.  Oregon is soon in our future and the home that we have there will be filled with love and laughter as it has been in the past. 

 

We have learned the wisdom and lessons from those that we wish not to be.  Their bible and personal religion is so much different from ours and the Christian attitude that we need to bring to our table and loved ones.  Today, smile at a stranger, feed the soul of a sad heart, and enjoy the sunshine.  Make it a great day because ..

 

I ride the dark horse!

 

 

Copyright © 2018 by CandaLeeParker.com
TheRamblingsOfMyBeautifulMind.com

www.candaleewhittleparker.com

All rights reserved. This blog or any portion thereof may not be printed, copied, reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review or similar cited with author's name and copyright.

 



 



Mean People

There is an art to loving an unlovable person.  After all, life is full of people who rub us the wrong way.  It can be our family, within our workplace, our church or community.  Gossip can be painful and their habits annoying or hurtful.  How do we cope with difficult people.  Christ calls us to love selflessly and ceaselessly.  How can we be genuine with negative emotions?

In the situation of our adult bully, we understand her plight and shortcomings.  She cannot admit that she has shortcomings or has made mistakes so this can be a difficult situation when trying to stay calm and collected.   Her way of living is absolute and she is unwavering in her cause of proclaimed righteousness and hate.  I laugh at her lies to the court; her divorce and yet still living with a man.  Isn't this against God and her license as a minister?  Again, her bible must be much different that the one that she wants me to abide by.

In dealing with my mean person, I have decided to move forward in success and love.  Researchers have discovered that it is threatened self-esteem that drives a lot of aggression.  Unfortunately, mean people are feeling worse about themselves than usual.  This drives them to gossip and find fault.  I have taken my bully's meanness as motivation to make life a success, to make my home comfortable and secure, to make sure that my husband and children are well taken care of.   I no longer need the approval of others because I am molding myself into the person that I want to be.   It has taken great time and effort but I no longer dream of what I can be; I am becoming what I can be. 

Next time that someone is mean to you, just shake your head and remind them that it has to do with them and not you that is the issue.  Movement forward away and far from their insecurities and frailties.

Copyright © 2018 by CandaLeeParker.com
TheRamblingsOfMyBeautifulMind.com

www.candaleewhittleparker.com

All rights reserved. This blog or any portion thereof may not be printed, copied, reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review or similar cited with author's name and copyright.

Right of Survivorship

Our bully is a coward.  She is not capable of fighting fair.  Her way to battle is behind a computer screen and to threaten with thugs and other bullies to commit crime of physical harm and death. She is a stalker, a thief, and unable to take care of her own life.  Should I feel sorry for her .. Maybe?!  Should I allow her behavior to affect my life and the life of those I love .. No way!!

A bully's behavior is profoundly different from our typical forms of interactions.  Sometimes it may be difficult to determine the difference.  Bullying implies an imbalance of power.  The bully perceives to be better, stronger, socially able, and higher on the social ladder.  It is thought that bullying could be normal behavior, a rite of passage, so to speak. Unfortunately, there is clear intent to cause harm; physical and emotional harm.  They expect it to hurt and take pleasure from it.  Our bully clearly states her pleasure of inflicting pain in court documents secluded in evidence.  It is her will to purposely impose her intent time and time again.  Maybe her thought is that I need to be "toughened up", my life sins clearly posted for all to see, attempting to build my character for the realities of life.   This is a tad bit one-sided as she does not post her life sins in comparison making herself out to be a saint, a licensed minister and writing a bible of her own rules and regulations to justify her bad behavior.  There is no apology in this world that can erase the harm that has been done; she can't even obey the terms of a court order, sought after, and won.

Today, she has no power over me.  I do not care what is written on walls, gossiped about, and  lies spread.  The truth is known and it is all that she is able to do with her life. My world has become secluded, limited to family and our animals.  Our home is inviting and comfortable.  I enjoy my hobbies, competitions, writing, and road trips.  When priorities change, so does life.  Today, my time is filled with family, college classes, and legislation.  Soon, there will be stricter laws to punish those persons filling lives with fear and slander.  This has become my life's work.  Despite mistakes that I have made in my past, the future is bright ..

Following please find great resources in dealing with bullies.  As always, please contact me if you are in need of advice or assistance in your experience with a bully.  Take the pledge and let us abolish bullying!

BOOKS FOR CHILDREN AND ADOLESCENTS

The Berenstain Bears & the Bully by Stan & Jan Berenstain (ages 4–8)
Bullies Are a Pain in the Brain by Trevor Romain (grades 3–8)
Cliques, Phonies & Other Baloney by Trevor Romain (ages 9–12)
How to Handle Bullies, Teasers & Other Meanies by Kate Cohen-Posey (grades 6–10)
Nobody Knew What to Do: A Story About Bullying by Becky Ray McCain (grades K–3)
Secret of the Peaceful Warrior by Dan Millman (all ages)
Stick Up For Yourself! Every Kid’s Guide to Personal Power and Positive Self-Esteem by Gershen Kaufman & Lev Raphael (grades 3–7)
Why Is Everybody Always Picking on Me? by Terrance Webster Doyle (grades K–5)

BOOKS FOR ADULTS

And Words Can Hurt Forever: How to Protect Adolescents from Bullying, Harassment, and Emotional Violence by James Garbarino, PhD, and Ellen Delara, PhD
Anti-Bullying Handbook by Keith Sullivan
Bullies: From the Playground to the Boardroom by Jane Middleton Mose
Bullies, Targets & Witnesses: Helping Children Break the Pain Chain by SuEllen Fried, ADTR, and Paula Fried, PhD
Bullies & Victims: Helping Your Child Through the Schoolyard Battlefield by SuEllen Fried, ADTR, and Paula Fried, PhD
Bully Busters by Dawn Newman, Arthur Hine, and Christi Bartolomucci
Bully Free Classroom by Allan Beane, PhD
The Bully, The Bullied & the Bystander: From Preschool to High School, How Parents & Teachers Can Help Break the Cycle of Violence by Barbara Coloroso
Bullying at School by Dan Olweus
The Bullying Prevention Handbook by John Hoover and Ronald Oliver
The Equip Program: Teaching Youth to Think and Act Responsibly Through Peer-Helping Approach by John C. Gibbs, Granville Bid Potter, and Arnold P. Goldstein
How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish
No More Bullies: For Those Who Wound or Are Wounded by Frank Peretti
Odd Girl Out: The Hidden Culture of Aggression in Girls by Rachel Simmons
Please Stop Laughing at Me by Jodee Blanco 

Copyright © 2018 by CandaLeeParker.com
TheRamblingsOfMyBeautifulMind.com

www.candaleewhittleparker.com

All rights reserved. This blog or any portion thereof may not be printed, copied, reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review or similar cited with author's name and copyright.

 

 

Size Doesn't Matter

I have been a size less than 0 and I have been a size 18/20.  I have barely weighed 98 pounds and I have weighed significantly more.  I was the saddest with my life at my smallest seemingly to please the one that I loved the most because he complained of an overweight wife and child.  I was the happiest with life at my biggest because my husband has loved me no matter what size I have been and I have loved him at any size he has been.  I was the proudest when after my daughters, I immediately went down to a size 4.  I am the proudest most of all right now, somewhere in the middle.  I am proud at being an average workout buddy with my close friends.  I have a goal to be more fit and healthy as the responsibilities of my world need me to be so.  I have skinny friends and I have not so skinny friends but we love each other for what we present on the inside and not what we look like on the outside.  We encourage, love, and lift up each other in all ways.  Our size does not define us.

Today I thought back on the cruel remarks of a woman bully who only saw my size at the time and, of course, those cruel remarks became public.  It took me a bit to understand that it was who she is and not about my size.  She did not break me, it did not make me, it was not important, or the most interesting part of me.  It was just a size.  I giggled when I realize that her remarks defined the cruel, ugly, dishonest, evil person she was and still is.

Your size doesn’t make you. Your size doesn’t break you. Your size won’t ever be the most important or the most interesting part about you. Your size; well, it’s just your size.  Torturing overweight people is one of the last acceptable forms of bigotry.  Those who attack overweight persons are bullies and predators, pure and simple. There is a quote that states "you don't make your light shine any brighter by blowing out someone else's light.  Maybe our bully should pay more attention to her own plate, her own filth, her dirty secrets and degradation.  There is no doubt in my  mind that people who pick on overweight people are miserable and have lives filled with rocky relationships and sadness.

True beauty is on the inside and focuses what is on your heart.  Never let another person make you feel any less beautiful. Give yourself the power and always follow your heart.  We only know what is going on with ourselves and we should be the only ones to determine how we feel about ourselves.  Stand firm in the conviction of what is right and good, not only for others, but for ourselves.

Copyright © 2018 by CandaLeeParker.com
TheRamblingsOfMyBeautifulMind.com

www.candaleewhittleparker.com

All rights reserved. This blog or any portion thereof may not be printed, copied, reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review or similar cited with author's name and copyright.

Courage in the Journey

There is a lot of advice floating around in recognizing, dealing with, and stopping cyber bullying.  All of the issues are important.  Healing is a process that is important as well.  It is important for our well being and in finding ways to avoid future exposure. 

A cyber bullying experience can take its toll on children, adults, and seniors.  It can cause devastation to a sense of self and personal morale.  Sadly, in the wide world of the internet, no one is exempt from cyber bullying.  It can cause mistrust and resistance to online interactions. 

Because of our online bully, I have been able to mark my courage.  It was not believed that I would take our case to court, teasing and taunting was daily bombardment from her.  Not only have we taken her on in one state, we are now moving forward in another state.  Daily manifestation of this movement forward is a daily confirmation that reminds me that I have risen above the nonsense and only becoming stronger because of the experience.  It is time to let go!  If I allow the feelings of anger and hate towards our cyber bully continue, she retains whatever power she feels that she has over us and in the end it will consume all of us, the cyber bully included.  Forgiveness frees us from the constant thoughts of revenge, hate or anger.  My ultimate victory as a survivor is that I will go one and not let this evil lady to bully my inner thoughts and feelings.

Bullies are cowardly and insecure.  Bullying is a way of coping with things in their own lives that are not working well for them.  In my case, the woman thought I am at fault for not allowing her to have the man that she really wanted and she had to move in with another man to care for herself.  Perhaps she has been a subject of abuse, has lost loved ones, feels dismissed and unwanted, suffering from mental illness, or lack of sleep.  Whatever the reason, it is not an excuse for cruel behavior towards another person.  We are trying to understand what makes her this way and in this thought of compassion, it has helped us to move on and to heal much faster.

This week has been filled with love, kindness, and success.  This is what happens when the efforts are turned from dwelling on the miserable and working in the wonderful.  Horse and cow babies were born, Toby successfully completed his fifth service dog lesson, hay was delivered, and my husband is feeling better and able to walk a bit more.  Tulips and daffodils are pushing through the dark earth in an effort to warm in the sun that comes and goes behind a snow cloud or two.  My work is going well, my book continues to surprise me, and a new semester at college is beginning.  My husband and I are taking a short vacation to see beautiful red cliffs and tall water falls.  These are the moments that don't include our bully, our stalker, and her threats and meaningless and stupid.  Caring responses fill the air and blessings of the experiences of others write the pages of our movement forward.

Copyright © 2018 by CandaLeeParker.com
TheRamblingsOfMyBeautifulMind.com

www.candaleewhittleparker.com

 

All rights reserved. This blog or any portion thereof may not be printed, copied, reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review or similar cited with author's name and copyright.

The Work Begins

 

 

Acceptance is like an antibiotic that prevents past 

rejections from turning into present-day infections ..

This week has been a week of blessings.  Letters have been written, answers have been received, and the movement forward is moving forward.  I had a long conversation with an assistant in the State prosecutor's office and was amazed at the information that I received.  We now have a platform to move forward with. 

Spring seems to be around the corner.  The snow has melted once again and the flower gardens were soft enough to till.  I am a color person so the yard will be filled with flowers of every kind and color.  The seed box is overflowing with wonders to be planted into the soft, dark earth.  Plants are amazing!  A single seed brings forth a sprawling plant which in turn scatters seeds for more plants to grow.  This is how we should be.  Instead of hate, harassment, and bullying, the seeds of gratitude, happiness, fulfillment, and kindness should be scattered across the four corners of the earth.  As it starts with a single plant, it starts with a single person.  "If you can't find a good person, then be one" .. This comes easy to some but the one rotten apple can spoil the whole barrel if not drawn out and thrown away.

I am excited to start the new deck, adding a Jacuzzi for tired bones, and the leveling to add the fire pit.  Thank you for a wonderful friend who has given us a monstrous fire pit for our summer activities.  Arena fencing delivered to begin our the building of our archery course. Movement forward from the evil, the hate, the drama, the accused, and the criticized.  If I am killed at her hand, my husband will be a very rich man as we have notified all law enforcement and attorneys that there will be a lawsuit as her actions have been reported for more than 5 years.  I believe now we are taken seriously.  In light of the school shootings and serial bombers, it has to be.

In this I ask God to bless her and give her abundance of mastery of her ministry, the one that she professes and is "licensed" for.  This is all that can be done as the damage has become a blessing rather than a curse.  My cause is moving forward in the positive and I am grateful to those who have come forward and given their stories.  The suffering will no longer be silent!

 

 

Being an Adult Bully

 Bullies are a special breed of people.  Their aggression starts at an early age.  It takes a specific nature to start a fight, threaten, intimidate, and actively inflict pain on others.  A bully can cause a great deal of misery to others and its effects on victims last for decades, perhaps even for a lifetime.  The person hurt most by bullying is the bully herself and the negative effects increase over time.  Most bullies have a downward spiraling course through life, their behavior interfering with learning, friendships, work, intimate relationships, income, and mental health.  Bullies can turn into anti-social adults and are far more likely to be involved in child assault, domestic violence, and produce another generation of bullies.  A woman bully has a far more subtle and complex meanness as we have experiences in our family.

Today, a letter was mailed to a state prosecutor with accompanying documents.  An investigator from our county's sheriff department took the documents that were recently posted filled with physical harm and death threats.  My employment has become involved as threats are to be taken seriously.  I have hired a company to take negative items off the internet that a court directed our adult woman bully to take down and I will, again, file a civil suit for reimbursement costs when it is completed.  Lobbying has begun for strict consequences in regards to cyber bullying with a team of 9 persons to date.  With our negative energy from our bully there comes the positive.  We will build a defense for others that are or have experienced the same kind of abuse that we have struggled with for many years. 

To understand the behavior of bullies is to see how aggression is learned and how well the lesson is taken to heart.  The existence of bullies tells us that the social needs of us, as human beings, is hugely dismissed.  Our lives are meaningless and disposable.  Unfortunately, there is no exact definition of a bully with exception that each case involves a repeated pattern of repeated aggressive behavior with negative intent directed from one person to another.  The aggressive behavior is intended to cause distress and pain.  There seems to be a favorable attitude for domination and a sense of satisfaction of hurting others.   Dealing with a woman who is bullying and harassing our family and me, we have developed a resolve, persistent spirits, and in what used to embarrass and humiliate, we document and forward to those individuals trained to assist in such matters.  Her pitiful army is just that; pitiful and weak!  What is interesting is that her pitiful army uses her for their dirty work.  Because she is self-absorbed in her righteousness, she is clueless to these acts.  We find this amusing!

Copyright © 2018 by CandaLeeParker.com
TheRamblingsOfMyBeautifulMind.com

www.candaleewhittleparker.com

 

All rights reserved. This blog or any portion thereof may not be printed, copied, reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review or similar cited with author's name and copyright.